At the supermarket I noticed a package of batteries with this blurb: Lasts as long as Energizer.

So, they're as good as the next guy.

Is that any way to advertise yourself? Is anyone going to switch battery brands (or, more importantly, start working with a "virtual" partner on mission-critical tasks) because they're "as good as the next guy" ?

Marketers talk about your Unique Selling Proposition (USP) for a good reason. If you can't show a prospect why you are the only possible choice, why you are the perfect match for them, ask yourself: why should they choose you?

If you're only as good as the next guy, what happens when the next guy gets just a little bit cheaper, or a little better, or both?

(By the way, even if you're far better than the next guy, if you can't show a prospect why you're a perfect match, consider the possibility that they aren't a perfect match for you.)

Have I got an amazing special for you!

You just know those words are going to be followed by a pitch, don't you?

First, I'll get the rant off my chest: telling me that you have $10,000 worth of 'products' for only $297 is selling, period. It's not special, it's not a gift. In fact, if these are electronic products with zero cost to reproduce, there's no such thing as a 'special' price because even if I only give you a nickel, your profit margin on that sale was 100%.

Folks looking for yet another tricky advertising gimmick (you can tell them a mile off because all their prices end in '7') are delighted to imply that they're giving you a gift, some amazing mega deluxe special extra deal, in order to make a sale.

Let's stop corrupting what the words 'gift' and 'special' mean. Don't you dare imply you're doing someone a favor, and then ask them for money. Making a smaller profit isn't a favor, it's business.

Remember when you used to be able to ask someone out for coffee in order to get to know their business better? Smart folks realised that by unselfishly learning about others in order to send them qualified prospects, our networks grew and in the long run, it came back around to us.

Selfish folks figured this out, and started asking networking victims out to coffee to 'learn about your business.' And then, as soon as they'd trudged through the formalities, the hard sell started. Pitch pitch pitch.

Try asking someone out for coffee so you can learn about their business. Watch the panic in their eyes, the scramble for an excuse. Selfish sellers have done their best to suck the juice out of an unselfish but brilliant method of organically, humanly, growing your business.

Promise me that you, yes you, reading right there, will never resort to deception, no matter how subtle, in your marketing or your business. Promise me that if you offer a gift, it is truly a gift, with no thought of return. Promise me that your 'special' price is actually less than what you've actually sold for in the past, and explain why you're reducing the price (otherwise, it just looks like you couldn't sell it for a hundred so you'll try fifty.) Promise me that you'll stop ending prices in the number 7 because even if it works, it's psychological trickery and it's unethical and immoral.

Find someone who's corrupting the gift culture which has been fundamental to civilization for thousands of years, and send them a link to this post. Let's make sure everyone everywhere knows that we're not gonna take it anymore. At the very least, the lazy clowns will have to find something else to corrupt.

Rise above the garbage and noise. You're better than that. You know that, of course, but you're afraid. I get it.

Sometimes being a hero is hard.

While studying real estate I stumbled across the difference between business ethics, and ethics in the real world. They're not necessarily the same.

Many industries, like real estate, have created a code of ethics for their members; a firm set of rules by which they must abide. And, as long as the follow those rules, they are officially ethical.

Thing is, two 6-year-olds on the playground know the difference between right and wrong, between fair and cheating. If your industry has a code of ethics, its purpose is not to provide loopholes, to let you get away with sleazy behaviour because it's not officially sanctioned by the code of ethics.

Don't ever misbehave just because there's not a rule saying it's wrong. Ask your 6-year-old. Or mine. They'll tell you what's fair.

Seth Godin states, "Marketing is the way your people answer the phone, the typesetting on your bills and your returns policy." Marketing your business is not just what advertising you purchase. It's everything you do in business, from your business card to your accounting practices.

Advertising can be expensive. Marketing can be free. There are many, many free marketing strategies you can implement. That's what Guerrilla Marketing is all about.

What free marketing strategies can you implement?

James comes home for lunch most days since he only works two miles from home (which is two miles farther than I ever want to commute again.)

One day recently he came in ranting about the incredibly annoying commercial he'd just heard on the radio. "Are they intentionally trying to alienate people?"

Well, sort of.

Some thoughts that emerged during the conversation that ensued:

The commercial was for a fast-food joint I happen to know James won't eat at. He didn't find it funny, although it tried to be. The company spokesperson irritates him. The whole tenor of the commercial grated.

They weren't talking to him, though. They were talking to folks who are already customers, already fans.

Why would they do that? Why would they create an ad that annoys non-fans instead of converting them? Why not find a way to get that non-fan to come in for the new special deluxe extra whatever?

Because it's not a good business model. That non-fan may try the special, but if they're already indifferent or, as in this case, antagonistic, you will not create a convert, a promoter. You'll make a single sale, or a couple single sales, but not a convert.

What about existing fans--folks who already there? Well, that's exactly who the ad is for.

Existing fans were already thinking about trying the new special deluxe extra. A little nudge today, a little nudge tomorrow, and pretty soon they'll remember to have lunch there instead of heading home. And if they like it, it's one more thing to like about a place they're already a fan of.

And what to fans do when they learn something new about their favorite this, that, or other thing?

They recruit more fans. No, they don't try to convert the indifferent, they talk to folks they've already inspected as to fitness, folks who are likely converts. They'll share what they love, extend an invitation, and probably make one or two converts in the process.

Write your marketing materials for your existing fan base. Don't waste time trying to convert the indifferent. Give your fans a flag to rally 'round and a message to go with it, and send them forth.

The result is the Holy Grail of marketing: genuine word of mouth.