Have I got an amazing special for you!

You just know those words are going to be followed by a pitch, don’t you?

First, I’ll get the rant off my chest: telling me that you have $10,000 worth of ‘products’ for only $297 is selling, period. It’s not special, it’s not a gift. In fact, if these are electronic products with zero cost to reproduce, there’s no such thing as a ‘special’ price because even if I only give you a nickel, your profit margin on that sale was 100%.

Folks looking for yet another tricky advertising gimmick (you can tell them a mile off because all their prices end in ’7′) are delighted to imply that they’re giving you a gift, some amazing mega deluxe special extra deal, in order to make a sale.

Let’s stop corrupting what the words ‘gift’ and ‘special’ mean. Don’t you dare imply you’re doing someone a favor, and then ask them for money. Making a smaller profit isn’t a favor, it’s business.

Remember when you used to be able to ask someone out for coffee in order to get to know their business better? Smart folks realised that by unselfishly learning about others in order to send them qualified prospects, our networks grew and in the long run, it came back around to us.

Selfish folks figured this out, and started asking networking victims out to coffee to ‘learn about your business.’ And then, as soon as they’d trudged through the formalities, the hard sell started. Pitch pitch pitch.

Try asking someone out for coffee so you can learn about their business. Watch the panic in their eyes, the scramble for an excuse. Selfish sellers have done their best to suck the juice out of an unselfish but brilliant method of organically, humanly, growing your business.

Promise me that you, yes you, reading right there, will never resort to deception, no matter how subtle, in your marketing or your business. Promise me that if you offer a gift, it is truly a gift, with no thought of return. Promise me that your ‘special’ price is actually less than what you’ve actually sold for in the past, and explain why you’re reducing the price (otherwise, it just looks like you couldn’t sell it for a hundred so you’ll try fifty.) Promise me that you’ll stop ending prices in the number 7 because even if it works, it’s psychological trickery and it’s unethical and immoral.

Find someone who’s corrupting the gift culture which has been fundamental to civilization for thousands of years, and send them a link to this post. Let’s make sure everyone everywhere knows that we’re not gonna take it anymore. At the very least, the lazy clowns will have to find something else to corrupt.

Rise above the garbage and noise. You’re better than that. You know that, of course, but you’re afraid. I get it.

Sometimes being a hero is hard.

During his one (and only) art class, Dr. Seuss turned his drawing paper around and was sketching sideways. The teacher scolded him, and said, “You can’t draw that way! If you do, you’ll never succeed.”

What Dr. Seuss knew, and the teacher didn’t, was that in order to succeed you can’t do what everybody else is doing. Nor can you try to appeal to everybody. You’ve got to separate yourself from your competition in some way. Many people can draw and write books for children. None of them can do it like Dr. Seuss did.

Be memorable

Dr. Seuss’s characters, The Grinch, Sam I Am, and The Cat in the Hat live on more than 50 years after they were first published because they’re unique. Before you try to market your business, think about what you offer that’s different. Do you specialize in a particular industry? Are you the most expensive or offer gold-plated, super-special service that’s completely over the top – like having papers delivered by a butler dressed in white tie and tails? Do you do one thing really, really well?

Stick to your passion

Dr. Seuss wrote a truly awful movie called The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T. It was so bad that he called it a “decabulous fiasco” and didn’t mention it in his official biography. He was doing something he wasn’t particularly good at. And it showed.

Choose a specialty that you care about. If you have a passion for genealogy, follow it and help people trace their ancestry. I love working with creative people, but I’d be hard-pressed to drum up much enthusiasm for promoting NASCAR. Be genuine, not artificial.

Not too narrow

If Seuss had stuck to writing for left-handed children named Max who live in Tulsa, Oklahoma, he’d have been in trouble. No, his books were aimed at beginning readers. One of them (Green Eggs and Ham) had only 50 different words. A niche that is too small will make you unique. It won’t make you money.

Be yourself

You may be worried that other people have said and done everything there is to say about being a Virtual Assistant or found every niche that’s worthwhile. Someone else may also be concentrating on offering bookkeeping to dry cleaners – but they’ll bring different skills, a different perspective, and a different personality to their clients than you will to yours. Stick to what drives you.
As Dr. Seuss said,

Jodi Kaplan has been called the Clarity Driver and the Wizard of Words. She blogs about broken marketing and how to stop it at Fix Your Broken Marketing.

Calling all new and aspiring virtual assistants!

• How do you find your first client?
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• How can you attract and educate prospects with your website?
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• How do you determine your rates and pricing structure?

Chief Virtual Officer offers an intensive 5-month course customized to your specific needs. Each month focuses on a specific area of your Virtual Assistant practice. Each week you will receive homework with specific strategies to implement in your business right away. In addition to two monthly coaching sessions via telephone, we will reply to all your questions via email as often as you like.

We are currently taking on new clients. Use the Contact Form to schedule your free 30-minute coaching session so you can determine if this is the right program for you.

Get all the details on our Coaching page.

While studying real estate I stumbled across the difference between business ethics, and ethics in the real world. They’re not necessarily the same.

Many industries, like real estate, have created a code of ethics for their members; a firm set of rules by which they must abide. And, as long as the follow those rules, they are officially ethical.

Thing is, two 6-year-olds on the playground know the difference between right and wrong, between fair and cheating. If your industry has a code of ethics, its purpose is not to provide loopholes, to let you get away with sleazy behaviour because it’s not officially sanctioned by the code of ethics.

Don’t ever misbehave just because there’s not a rule saying it’s wrong. Ask your 6-year-old. Or mine. They’ll tell you what’s fair.

Recently a personal interaction reminded me of an anecdote I read some years ago about tea. (I love tea, but this may be my first business lesson about it.)

When tea first arrived in England it was expensive. Not, a little bit pricey expensive, but prohibitive, only for the rich expensive. But it caught on quickly, because, well, it’s great.

One woman in the south took a full pound of her expensive cache and sent it to her sister in the north, telling her how marvelous it was. Her sister boiled it, dumped the black liquid off and served it like a vegetable. She wrote back about how terrible it was.

She’d prepared it like a vegetable, which she understood, instead of seeing it for what it was: something entirely new.

Some business folks hear about the ‘new marketing’ and assume it’s just more of the old marketing, except online. They still want instant results, measured in dollars return on dollars invested. They want ways to convince people to buy, no matter what they’re selling. They spend time and money bolting a website and blog and email autoresponders onto their old-school advertising.

They’re dumping the tea and eating the leaves, and then they wonder why it doesn’t work.

If you help your clients with their marketing efforts, you may, like the first woman in the story, assume that they’ll know how to brew a pot of social media marketing. Erm, tea. Whatever.

But, like the second woman, they don’t. They can’t. Because it’s so foreign to them, they have nothing to connect it to. Give information away, with no firm plan for monetising it? That don’t make no sense!

Had the first woman included some simple instructions along with her glowing praise, the story may have had a happier ending. Don’t leave anything to chance. Clients who are new to the new marketing will need a lot of hand-holding, a lot of encouragement and explanation and nudging.

Don’t assume they get it, unless you actually see them drinking the tea.